So I have started rewriting the first few paragraphs of Red Eyes and would love some honest constructional feedback, without being rude.
Eyes shot open wide, immediately searching in the shadows for the man who ruined her life.
Dark images flooded in, waking the girl from the nightmares once more throwing her back into reality, surrounded by dim light from outside the window. Turning over onto her other shoulder, a yellow light flashing three small numbers; one- thirty five. Reaching over to turn the clock away from view, missed at first and smacked the wooden desk instead. The second try was a success, the bitter time no longer reminded her how little sleep she had managed so far.
I have a while. Schools not till seven. Sleep would be nice, but then again….
Lily knew how this worked. Sleep would only bring back the image. His face would once more invade her mind the moment she closed her eyes.
Chills crept through her, adding to the cool breeze blowing through the window. Closing her eyes, Lily leaned back, shutting her gray eyes and tried clearing her mind. The harder she tried imaging new, better things, more his eyes fought their way back in. Cold, lifeless eyes took over happier memories of purple flowers and laughter, draining her the energy needed to keep calm.